When midlife “hit” me with all its symptoms and challenges, one of the main questions in my mind was:
Who do I aspire to become in the second part of my life?
When I started looking for inspiration and role models among other middle-aged men, I realized that there were not so many of them out there.
Ironically, it proved much easier to find examples of who I didn’t want to become.
It became clear to me that I didn’t want to be a Midlife Conformist – someone who blindly accepts all the myths and who wholeheartedly embraces all the socially accepted beliefs and norms related to midlife.
Paradoxically, rejecting Midlife Conformist’s worldviews, helped me define who I wanted to become.
I wanted to be a Midlife Contrarian.
The concept of the Midlife Contrarian emerged from recognising and rejecting the prevailing view on what midlife is all about. It was a result of realizing that there is much more to life at midlife (and beyond) than what people tend to believe.
A Midlife Contrarian is someone who doesn’t view midlife as the beginning of the end. It’s someone who views midlife as a new beginning altogether.
A Midlife Contrarian perceives their stage of life as a new beginning and a unique opportunity to create their best life yet: a life where they can utilise all the experience and wisdom they’ve gained so far, and all the technology, tools and developments they have at their fingertips today.
So let me share with you what I learned about a Midlife Conformists and Midlife Contrarians.
A Midlife Conformist Is the Guy Who:
- Believes that midlife is the beginning of the end
- Finds it hard to learn new things
- Feels that he’s physically fragile and can’t handle activity more intense than walking and golfing
- Considers that having health issues is normal in midlife
- Accepts being overweight as a natural part of the aging process
- Considers the standard western diet healthy
- Believes that he reached his career peak and should just hang on until the retirement
- Believes that he can’t change his career and start something new
- Relies only on others, mainly family, children or grandchildren, when it comes to their happiness and fulfillment
- Only plays safe and takes no risks
- Compares himself mainly to others, undervaluing his own progress and improvement
- Establishes his limits based on his chronological age and not on how he feels or his real biological age
- Believes that technology is only for the younger generation
- Lowers his personal hygiene and grooming standards
- Believes the mainstream view on the midlife crisis
- Doesn’t try new things
But It’s Also the Guy Who:
- Believes that he should hang out only with younger people
- Tries to act younger than his age
- Dresses like a teenager
- Drives a red sports car to look cool
- Buys a Harley and the accompanying leather gear to look rebellious
- Is excessively concerned about his looks and latest fashion
- His main fitness goal is to be better than younger people
- Takes risks, often unreasonable ones, to show braveness
- His wellness goals are focused on appearance and are driven by mainstream media, rather than seeking overall health
- Is inflexible on his wellness regime and unforgiving when falling off the wagon
- Believes that the wellness plan that works miracles for him will do the same for others
- Doesn’t change and mix things up once in a while
- Thinks that the newest is always better
- Uses mainstream midlife crisis notion as an excuse for his immature behaviour or destructive tendencies
A Midlife Contrarian, on the Other Hand, Is Someone Who:
- Sees midlife as an opportunity to evaluate what worked well in life and what didn’t, and who uses this experience and wisdom to design a better life
- Doesn’t believe that chronological age dictates our limitations
- Doesn’t try to fit in but wants to be of value to others
- Pursues and cultivates true and deep relationships with others, avoiding unhealthy dependence
- Listens with interest and an open mind to what others have to say, without the need to adopt common and popular views
- Is critical about the so-called “popular wisdom,” but doesn’t dismiss everything either
- Is open to new things and ideas, without believing that everything new is always better
- Isn’t interested in competing with others, but with himself, achieving progress and improvement
- Cares about his health, doing all checkups as needed, listening and understanding specialists advice
- Educates himself continuously on health matters and wellness trends to best evaluate, understand and, at times, challenge experts’ advice
- Is mindful of his own limits but always pursues to gradually expand them
- Tests new things out and learn from both successes and failures
- Pursues new ventures with the same enthusiasm as when he was younger, adding his experience and wisdom into the mix
- Evolves in a changing work environment, not competing with the younger ones but adding value with his experience, ability to adapt and mentor others
- Doesn’t resist change or try to maintain the status quo, but adapts and becomes the wise change agent
I will be enhancing and revisiting this list in the future and elaborating further on its parts.
If the Midlife Contrarian resonates with you and your life’s circumstances, stay tuned for more on this journey.
Thank you!
A Midlife Contrarian (in the making)