“Seeing Life as a Moving Target” a story by Michiel, a Midlife Contrarian

Having witnessed my overworked father and penny scraping mother in post-war Holland, I decided at a very young age not to work myself to death.

I’m still pleased with this decision. At 58 years years of age, I am not waiting for my second heart attack to change my life, quit my job, go on a diet, and start yoga.

It’s not that I’m not worried about being middle-aged. As a matter of fact, I’m still scared shitless when I see my dad, only 30 years older than me, and already facing his final days.

It’s possible that I had a midlife crisis at a very early age, and it helped me realize that I had to celebrate life every day. And God knows I did!

But, I also worked hard to be able to celebrate a bit more when those scary years after one’s 50th birthday come.

Here’s how it all unfolded.

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I was born in a Dutch family in 1960, at a time when Holland was still recovering from the trauma of WWII. The memories of hunger, poverty, and occupation were too fresh to allow for any frivolity and fun. Life was all about ensuring safety, economic stability, and freedom.

Bearing the scars of war themselves, my parents’ recipe for a successful life was hard work and good education.

This upbringing led me to pick a profession based on its earning potential, not necessarily how closely it matched my interests. I decided to become a dentist.

I pushed my way through the university, studying hard, and working a part-time job to cover some of my student expenses.

I eagerly awaited my graduation to finally enjoy the fruits of my efforts, but when I started working in the Netherlands, I found out that the conditions were terrible.

The national health system made it difficult to do what was best for the patients. Doctors’ schedules were filled with thousands of check-ups for people with perfect teeth, who didn’t really need a dentist!

My ideal plan seemed to go down the drain.

To regain momentum, I decided to move to a country with no dental school and no dental national health system. I figured that my qualities and proper training would probably be more appreciated there. As the saying goes, in the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is king.

After visiting Portugal and Spain in the 1980s, I decided on the, in those years, more prosperous Italy.

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The dental situation in Italy was a disaster at the time. Dental technicians worked illegally as dentists and medics were ‘bribed’ to cover up the illegal practices. The quality of the dental work was terrible.

As expected, my Italian colleagues and the professional associations did everything they could to ban me. Even the Italian state at that time didn’t care that I was a European citizen and treated me as if I was an invader from Mars. It took me, for instance, 15 years to get my permanent residency permit.

Of course, I worked hard at that time. When you are 25 years old, and you find yourself in a situation where everybody wants your services, you work day and night. After 2 years, I had 5 practices, with staff and dentists working for me. Being a bit of a showoff, my first car was a second-hand Maserati convertible. The second was a brand new one.

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To make my experience abroad a memorable one (and to impress the folks at home) I choose a city that everybody wants to visit at least once in their lifetime. I set up my practice in Venice! I must admit that I still like the ‘dramatic’ reactions when I tell someone that I live in Venice.

There was one particular visit from the Netherlands that I will never forget. It was when my favorite teacher from the Dutch university came to see me in Venice.

She was sweet, smart, and stunningly beautiful (partly the reason she was my favorite at dental school).

That visit transformed both of our lives, as this year we will be celebrating our 30th wedding anniversary!

My wife was also a great dentist and a very hard worker. In spite of constant struggle with the Italian bureaucracy and always being surprised by the Italian way of life, we managed to build a very successful business and a beautiful life.

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We lived in prosperous times. Italy was booming, and we flourished with it. We traveled to every continent with our children in grand style. We saw it as the preview of the more extended travels we would undertake when retired.

Providing a wide range of high-quality services at a fair price in a country without any serious competition, work was abundant. It’s not difficult to save money when it’s pouring in, and one still hasn’t developed the habit of spending it.

Some good investments, mostly speculating against the ever-plummeting Italian lira, after 5 years gave us the possibility to buy a big house on the Venice beach. We invested in stocks and real estate and had endless amounts of energy to restore our houses.

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Our life was never a smooth ride, but it was always an exhilarating one.

We made it through two house fires and our kids leaving to a boarding school abroad at the age of 14.

Our bond became stronger after every setback.

After 20 years of living in the fast lane of traveling in business class and staying in 5-star hotels, we decided to change our way of life by working less.

By doing so, we regained the pleasure in working. We were now able to dedicate more time to our patients and to each other.

We discovered new passions and unknown sides of each other. With a more relaxed lifestyle, the desire to live a luxury lifestyle diminished.

This was a very convenient timing and a great moment to relax.

One year later, the crisis of 2008 and the Bernard Madoff Ponzi scheme wiped away half our savings and put many of our clients under financial strain. They didn’t spend as easily as they used before.

Now, 11 years later, the crisis has long been forgotten in Europe. But, due to a series of bad election outcomes. Italy is still in recession. The people don’t want to reform the archaic system even when sometimes there is a government that tries to.

Our work never took off again. So how did we manage to stay happy?

Luckily we didn’t have any debt because we never spent more than we had. The extra free time gave us the possibility to explore each other wishes again. We like those new dynamics. We spent much more time together and enjoyed each others company more than ever.

Instead of traveling in luxury through distant continents, we are now looking to spend quality time with good friends. Instead of retiring at the age of 50, as we had planned, we continued working part-time every week in order not to live off our savings.

We are still traveling a lot but mostly within Europe and often use low-cost carriers. We now prefer to meet old and new friends than to do sightseeing. We have more time to dedicate to our ailing parents and other people in need. Celebrating our passions makes us happier than ever.

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We stopped planning our future a long time ago. Too often, we made 5-year plans or set goals we wanted to achieve, and then circumstances changed, and things turned out differently. But we have always planned to look as good as possible!

We have always had the discipline to work hard but also to work-out hard. Swimming, dancing tango, Pilates and weightlifting have kept our bodies in shape, and some sweet friends tell us we look 10 years younger. Having good friends is very important as you can see!

Concluding, I would like to state the importance of investing time and energy not only in your career, the way you look and having fun but also in other people, who over the years might become close and trustworthy friends. They are the cherry on the cake of life.

Looking back, the decision to look for a good education and work where one is needed and appreciated have been beneficial. This gave us the possibility to live life as we appreciate it.

Adjusting to changing circumstances is easier when in a great relationship. Working on the quality of that relationship is more important than working on one’s career. When the bond is strong enough, any crisis will make it stronger.

It’s essential to be able to move with the tides and see the opportunities they offer. Being proactive and having a steady home base is vital because life, as we have understood, is a moving target.