A “Midlife Crisis” or a Wake-Up Call?

Midlife is an interesting stage in our lives. Most, prefer to slow down and get ready for retirement. Others, choose to follow a different path. Is it a midlife crisis or a wake-up call?

David

David is in his mid-fifties. He’s been married for 30 years and has two grown-up children just out of college. He has had a successful career in a multinational corporation and reached a director level.

Seeing his children becoming independent made him take a look at his own life, something he has not done for a long time.

He realised that he had let himself go for a very long time and he did not like what he saw in the mirror. David was overweight and he looked tired.

He went to his doctor and had his long overdue checkup done. The results were mostly ok, however, he was prediabetic with elevated blood sugar levels. Nothing to worry about, his doctor said, you just need to make some adjustments to your diet, and you will be fine.

With the help of a nutritionist, he established a healthy eating plan. It was a bit challenging to follow at first, but he eventually got used to it.

Feeling the positive effects of the diet and losing weight, he decided to join a yoga studio to improve his mobility and feel more relaxed.

Slowly, meditation became part of his morning routine including journaling and stretching exercises.

He joined a gym and started lifting weights a couple of times a week.

As a result he has achieved healthy weight and feels good about himself.

Losing weight was also a good opportunity to update his wardrobe with more fashionable outfits.

He has now made new friends from the yoga studio and the gym, who also have healthy habits like him.

All these changes boosted his energy and confidence at work. He started taking over new projects and became more open to new possibilities in advancing his career.

Instead of spending time in front of the TV and on Netflix, he dedicating time to a side-project.

He and his wife now started going for short road-trips and were amazed with how much there was to discover in the area they lived in.

His interest in a healthier lifestyle inspired his wife to make some changes as well.

Sharing this new lifestyle has brought them closer together. It has been many years since they last felt like this. They were a team again.

During their weekends they have the opportunity to share ideas about their future, their new interests and how they will manifest the life of their dreams. In a way, it feels like they are newlyweds again.

Slowly, they start putting the plan into action and pushing forward with the necessary changes in their lifestyle.

They find a new house, more spacious in a newly developed area, a bit further away from the city centre, but much more affordable. They got rid of their luxury sedans and replaced them with two modern and less costly ones. Also, they reviewed all their expenses achieving considerable savings without sacrificing anything important.

The savings achieved from all the above go partially to refinancing their new ventures and the rest towards safe long term investments.

The new habits and where David and his wife invest their time has an impact on their social life. Less time with their old friends on fine dining, expensive wine, and trendy cocktails, but more time on midweek wellness activities and weekends in nature hiking or on their mountain bikes.

Bob’s Friend

Bob is also in his mid-fifties. He is a senior vice-president with a multi-national company and a proud father to a son who just finished medical school and will soon get married. Bob is already looking forward to retirement with only ten years to go. He is already dreaming of more golfing, cruising and time with his grandchildren by that time.

He was having drinks the other day with his golf buddies, right after their Sunday golf game.

Bob was talking about his concerns about a friend of his who seems to be going through a midlife crisis.

His friend was not joining them in their get-togethers as often as before and when he did, he did not seem to be very present in their usual conversations. Bob was afraid that his friend may be going through a depression.

Bob also has concerns about his friend’s financial situation. He moved out of his upscale neighborhood and started pursuing other income sources. It might be that he is not joining them out for dinner due to a tighter budget.

On top of that, Bob is also worried about his friends financial future. During their last conversations, he was talking about a career change, taking a different role within his company, moving to another company or even starting his own business.

What is his friend thinking? Who is taking such risks in their fifties? These are career considerations of people in their 20s or 30s, surely not for people in their 50s. Does his friend think what happens if things do not go well, such a short time before retirement? Bob is surprised by his friend’s immaturity.

On top of all this, Bob is also wondering about his friend’s personal life. His friend has lost weight, and he seems to be working out in the gym a lot lately. Bob’s not sure if that is healthy for his friend’s age. He is also dressing differently. Bob is suspecting that his friend might be having a new affair or looking for one.

Bob’s golf buddies were also convinced that Bob’s friend was going through a midlife crisis. But, they said to Bob not to worry, as his friend will soon get back to “normal.”

One Situation, Two Stories

By now you have probably guessed that Bob’s friend is in fact, David. David and Bob are of course fictional characters but their stories or close versions of them, we hear very often.

Unfortunately, “Bob’s friend” version, the midlife crisis one, is the one we hear most.

There is however some logic to it.

When someone decides to take control of their life in midlife and to make the necessary changes to be healthy, productive and happy, they do not see it as a crisis. They experience it as an opportunity. Sometimes it can even feel like an awakening.

The impact of these changes on those around them can be entirely different.

People do not like changes. They cannot easily understand and accept them. And often, when others are making changes, it feels like a threat to the status quo, an implicit criticism to their way of life.

“Midlife crisis” is an easy label to put on others, especially when we do not care to go deeper and understand why people like David are making changes in midlife.

That is probably why the term “midlife crisis” is usually used to describe the situation of others and not so often our own.

When we use the term for ourselves, it is either sarcastic or it justifies an action that is unlike us.

Sure, there are also people who get self-destructive in midlife but this is more an exception than the rule.

In most cases, what many label “midlife crisis” is, in fact, a wake-up call.

Same stage of life, two different stories.

For David midlife is a wake-up call, in Bob’s eyes it’s a midlife crisis.

Are You David or are you Bob?